Saudi-Arabia, a hopeless place to ever even dream of finding a life partner, soul mate, or the love of your life..The country that strictly forbids mixing and all interaction between the sexes. How could anyone meet a member of the opposite sex here, let alone go out on a date, fall in love?
Surprisingly there are countless love stories that started in Magic Kingdom..So many of my friends found love here. It's actually quite ironic that of all places in the world, these couples met in the Saudi Kingdom. I compiled a list of short love stories form Saudi-Arabia.
Read our love story here.
Couples that found love in the hopeless desert Kingdom:
A Finnish man met a stunning Yemeni girl randomly one evening at a cafe..It was love at first sight. They are now happily married residing in Jeddah. An Australian nurse met a U.S Marine at an embassy function. She thought he was cute, but not her type. He fell head over heals for her. They were friends first but soon fell deeply in love..They had a dream wedding a few years after when they moved to the U.S. A Finnish nurse met her Palestinian husband at a desert camp. They were inseparable from that day onward. They are now happily married residing in Riyadh. A Finnish nurse met an all American guy at a compound party. They worked at the same hospital and started dating. Soon they left the Kingdom together to make a new home and life in U.S.A. The are now happily married and have a sweet little baby girl. Another Finnish nurse met an American soldier at an embassy party. They started dating and soon decided to leave the Kingdom to the U.S. This adorable couple had their fairy-tale wedding in the Caribbean.
A Finnish party girl and a Lebanese guy had a crush on each other. They often saw one another at parties where he DJ'd. The beautiful couple fell deeply in love and share the same passion of travelling the world. They got married in Finland, travelled around the world and are now returning to the desert Kingdom. An Irish nurse met a Lebanese engineer at a golf club. They shared the same hobby and soon realised they had a lot more in common too. The couple had an elaborate wedding in Beirut where they now reside. A Finnish nurse met an American guy at the Hash Harriers outings. They shared the same interest in sport, photography and nature. Soon they fell in love and set out to Finland for their wedding. The stunning couple reside in Riyadh where they both work.
A Lebanese nurse had given up on ever finding a soul mate, she had worked in KSA for many years before she was invited to the Hash group gatherings. She met a lovely American guy there and got hooked on both the desert and the man. They had an amazing wedding in Lebanon and returned to continue work in Saudi-Arabia. A Swedish nurse met a fellow Swede at a compound gathering. They became good friends and soon realised they had grown to love each other. The couple moved to Sweden where they got engaged soon after. A Lebanese male nurse had a crush on a colleague, a Finnish nurse for a long time until he had the courage to ask her out on a date. They fell instantly in love and moved in together. They soon got married and then had a cute little boy. Two Canadian nurses arrived to work in Saudi Kingdom at the same time. They met at the hospital orientation program. The couple started dating, but found life as an unmarried couple very difficult in Saudi and decided to return back to their home country together. A Malaysian nurse met an American army official at a compound party. They started dating and later went to her home country for marriage. They now have two kids and continue working in the Kingdom.
There are many other stories out there..These are just the tip of the iceberg. So what is the secret behind all these love stories from perhaps the most un-romantic, strict country in the world? I guess it might have something to do with the fact that many of the expats coming here are like-minded and share the same interests. They already were open-minded enough to make the move to Saudi, so many of them are open to inter-cultural relationships. Expatriates can actually have a lively night life in Saudi-Arabia and many of these couples met a party or other expat gathering.
I've also noticed a phenomenon that is quite common; a lot of the women coming here are in bad relationships back home and moving to Saudi for a temporary work placement often leads to them seeing things in new perspectives. They realize they were just dragging along in an already doomed relationship. Moving to Saudi is a sort of an unconscious way to break off from that relationship.
Currently my husband and I are the only ones I'm aware of a mixed marriage between a Saudi and an expat that met in the Kingdom. Many were dating but none went further than that..
I will leave you with a Valentine's day card my daughter made for us at daycare..I'm so proud of my little artist! Ok maybe the teachers helped her a bit :)
The first part of the Saudi wedding experience post left us foreigners still sitting at the table in amazement of the goings on. Read that post here.
The main event of the Saudi weddings is of course the arrival of the bride. Like I mentioned before the bride actually stays hidden from the guests for most of the wedding party. In a way I feel this is a shame since the wedding hall has been so beautifully decorated and so much time and money spent on it and the bride doesn't get to fully enjoy it. All her relatives and friends are there too, so the arrangement of the bride only showing up for a good half hour during the entire evening, feels strange and like a sort of a waste for her to stay away from it all so long!
It's hard to understand why the brides don't fully participate in their own weddings! Sure she is the star of the show for the time she steps out of her closed room upstairs and slowly makes her grand entrance down the stairs and aisle to the stage for everyone to see. The bride then sits on the throne, sofa or chair whichever she has chosen, and watches women dance for her and come up to greet her. Usually this is the time in most Saudi weddings when the groom and some relatives such as the father of the bride and her brothers will make a short appearance on the women's side which leads to frantic covering up of the unrelated women.
This wedding was different though. Not even the groom showed up which was really uncommon. This was because of the conservative nature of the family. When the bride was ready to come down the lights were dimmed and the music changed into a sort wedding march performed by the same music group. When she showed up in all her glory on top of the stairs the whole room seemed to gasp in amazement of her beauty.
She was indeed stunning. Thank God there was no clown make-up and she had kept it low key by Saudi terms. Her waist-long hair had been tied up into a huge bun that reminded me of the 60's hairstyles and it was decorated with flowers and pearls. On top she wore an exquisitely embroidered long sheer veil secured onto her hair with a small tiara. Her ivory white dress had a simple A-line cute to it, with an embroidered form fitting top and a cute ribbon belt to accentuate her tiny waist. The dress had a beautifully detailed and long trailing hem on it. She was holding a small bouquet of flowers in one hand.
The bright spotlight followed her steps slowly as she made her way down the red carpeted stairs. The bride was very nervous and had trouble smiling for the female photographer. Coming down the staircase seemed to take forever. I thought it must have felt like eons for her. Her dress had such a long and heavily embroidered hem it was difficult for her to take steps down. For each step she took down she had to grab the hem with both hands, kick it out of the way, then settle the dress again for the minute long pause she took at each step. I held my breath at every step and hoped she wouldn't trip on the hem.
The bride eventually reached the stage and stood in the spotlight facing the crowd. As she stood there, now smiling and seemingly more relaxed, there was an announcement in Arabic and the crowd burst into applause and some women were loudly ululating. The announcements kept coming and the ululating got louder.
Finally she took seat and her close family all gathered around her. Some were dancing, some were hugging her, some sat next to her. At this point I was clueless (again) what I should do. I was part of the closer family and unsure if I should go on the stage or not. I watched people slowly go up to her and congratulate her. I wanted to go, but then again I really didn't! I felt really shy and didn't want the attention.
At this point the first REAL drinks were served, the waitresses came around with trays of fruit juices. In very tiny glasses for my disappointment though. As I was dying of thirst at this point I drank the juice in one gulp and snatched another one before she left our table. I must have been her favorite person of the evening. The waitress gave me a long look. I'm thirsty, woman! For God's sake I could drink them all at once! Don't look at me like I'm some sort of freak.
So after this refreshment I had decided to make my way to the stage. I grabbed my friend along for emotional back up. I was so nervous and I didn't know what to do. My master plan was to quickly go congratulate her then quietly step off the stage and leave. It didn't exactly work out as planned though.
After I had greeted her and some other relatives, I was pointed to stand on the side of the stage where women were cheering on the dancers in the middle. Suddenly one of the women approached me and grabbed me by the hand. I panicked. NO! Now way I am going to dance in front of 300 women! I wanted to run or to shrink into a tiny little midget so nobody could see my so called dance moves. I know now how deer feel when they see the spotlight from the approaching car and freeze without being able to move, waiting for the smash.
I was at the center of the stage and could feel those curious eyes becoming even more curious now that the Amriki lady had been dragged into the spotlight for a great chance to LMFAO. I surely delivered. I had done this dance before and I do love Arabic dance, even managed to pull it off somehow in familiar company. In this situation though, I could not have been able to perform a simple freakin ballet plie. I was as stiff as a rake.
The woman who dragged me was smiling and encouraging me and she was an excellent dancer, probably the best of them. Which of course made me look even more idiotic up there. I felt like a pecking chicken among beautiful gliding swans. I held my dress with my other hand, tried to smile and look like I was having the time of my life (which in a way I was) and clucked around for the song that seemed to go on for eternity. Were the African women making it go on this long on purpose?
When it finally finished I was taken back to the side of stage next to other women. I clapped along to the songs and prayed no one else would come and ask for this dance, waiting for a chance to escape. Suddenly a young woman started dancing very provocatively facing me. She had one of those masquerades going on in her face and her hair was so stiff from the hairspray it was the only thing not moving on her body.
The vamp was closing in, looking at me like I was the steak on her plate! Yikes! Someone HELP! I had no idea what was going on. I looked to my sides. Everyone acted normal. Is this normal? This woman had possibly been watching to much MTV music videos and thought she was Shakira. Her moves were straight from a provocative dance video. The Arab Shakira was nearly in my face before she abruptly made a 180 degree turn and continued her sexy dance. Phew. Now that was AWKWARD.
The awkward moment when you're being vamped by a Saudi Shakira dressed in an evening gown in front of all her relatives.
After that I was wishing I could grow wings and fly off the stage. No Red Bull so that didn't work out. Next one of the fully veiled women came up to the stage and I curiously watched her warmly greeting the bride. I wonder did they even know who she was? As this lady left she turned to me and I had another skipped heart beat-moment. Luckily she just laughed and showed me the thumbs up. I took it as a sign of approval of my chicken dance.
After about half an hour on stage the bride left alone to her room where she would have dinner with her husband. It was now 1 am. The doors were opened to another hall where a sumptuous buffet had been laid out. Everyone started to walk in at the same time creating a crowd at the doors. Strangely the waitresses were smoking bokhoor at the doors. Certainly not the most appetizing experience to be smoked alive before dinner. The women were scrambling around trying to find plates and cut others in line, and I can't count how many people (including children) took advantage of us suckers and jumped in front of us.
I really hope the animals underneath the table were not the ones in the stews above.
So many delicious dishes to choose from! Some of them I was familiar with, some were new acquaintances. The real enigma was the huge chunk of meat in the middle of the buffet served on a large silver plate and embedded in rice. My friend and I were wondering out loud was it a camel? The chunk was so large and sort of resembled a camel's hump. It must be camel right? We asked a little girl what meat was it and she looked at us as if we had just asked her what is a pizza? We didn't get an answer but we did get very long looks and whispers. The meat was surely popular among the guests. Many women were literally digging into it with their bare hands tearing big pieces off. That kind of put me off tasting it so it remained a mystery until I had the chance to ask my husband.
Ladies and gentlemen (drum roll..) This is "leeya" aka a lamb's BUTT. And apparently it's a delicacy and yes the white stuff is blubber. The best part, I was told.
So I will just leave it to that because I know many people really like this :)
All eyes seemed to be on us foreigners as we searched for a free table to sit at. I found it strange that the drinks served with this elaborate and surely expensive dinner buffet were Pepsi, 7Up and Miranda. There weren't even any cups so straight from the cans. Also no napkins to fold on your lap, just the usual "mandeel" which are tissues in cardboard boxes.
After dinner it seemed most of the guests were leaving. There was a large freshening up room with mirrors where some women were re-applying lipstick after dinner. And as if anyone at this wedding needed MORE perfume, there was even a stand with a variety of perfumes to spray on yourself next to small mints and chocolates. About a fourth of the women had returned to the main hall where the music continued and some young women were dancing.
I couldn't help noticing a gorgeous and statuesque young lady dancing among them. She could have been at the Oscars red carpet and stunned everyone. She wore a golden sleek one shoulder (only bare shoulder of the night!) gown with minimal jewelry and must have been 6ft tall with a body to die for. Her hair was cut into a shoulder length trendy look and her make-up was perfect. She looked like a combination of Charlize Theron and Penelope Cruz. I thought to myself had this woman been born to a different culture, by now her other-worldly beauty would likely be known worldwide. In Saudi she lived a very sheltered life, most likely only a handful of men ever witnessing her beauty. Two so different worlds!
Back at the abaya cloak room where women were covering up all the glitz and glamour under layers of black. You would never know what what was underneath!
We left the wedding exhausted but happy from the experience. I think I pulled it off OK. At least I managed to keep "calm and collected" on the outside! Inside I was a nervous wreck most of the time. I'm hoping the next wedding I go to will be less of an ordeal!
So I attended my first big wedding party (walimah) here in Riyadh! What an amazing experience!
Weddings are the most important social gatherings in Saudi. Often costing hundreds of thousands of riyals, this is the time Saudi families show off their wealth. The wedding party and all related expenses are usually paid by the grooms family but often the bride's family chips in as well. Weddings are always gender segregated but most of the traditions and customs vary from region to region.
This was a special evening because it was the first time my husband's entire tribe were going to see his western wife..So this would be the night all eyes would be on me to evaluate his choice of wife and to watch my every move. I felt an immense pressure to give a good first impression and also ease my husband's life by being accepted into the extended family. I'm the only westerner, mind you even the only non-Saudi married into the entire clan. Needless to say I was HORRIFIED.
In preparation I had tried to "Arabize" my appearance a bit ie had Arabic eyebrows done, colored my eyelashes black and had some extra lashes installed at the spa. I'd found a beautiful evening gown at the "Princess souq" for 15 riyals! However the tailor I took it to for adjusting managed to do the opposite I was asking for so I had to choose another dress last minute. My friend wore the princess souq dress and she looked stunning!Check out the dress here it's the blue one: http://blueabaya.blogspot.com/2012/02/princess-souq.html
My husband advised me that his family is so conservative that even in an all female setting bare shoulders would not be a good idea so I had a bolero with my strapless emerald green evening gown. When I saw how the women there were dressed I was so glad I listened to my husband not to be remembered as the the scandalous shoulder -baring western lady!
Most of my jewelry got damaged in a fire we had last year but lucky me a friend borrowed her beautiful gold and diamonds jewelry set. Another friend gave me a gold designer handbag and I had a pair of golden heels. Ended up spending only few hundred riyals for some kohl and purple eye shadow to pop out the green shade of my eyes to match the dress. A wedding hair stylist came to my house to make my hair wavy ( and BIG) as was the trend according to her.
Saudi weddings typically start very late and end in the early hours of the morning. I was told by many not to go too early (before 11p.m!) but this family was different! We came at 9 p.m and hundreds of women were already there. My husband went to the men's side and later told me was the last to arrive.
Most families will rent out huge wedding halls for the occasion. They are of course separated to men's and women's sides. The entrance to male section of the wedding is in the front of the building, open and elaborate and there will be a huge chandelier hanging in the entrance hall. The men's side is otherwise not very decorative. It's the women's hall that is full of flowers and other lavish decorations. Both sides will have expensive bohkoor burning at every corner.
The women's entrance on the other hand is closed and guarded. Even when the door opens there is no direct view into the actual hall. The door opens into a room with no mirrors so not even a reflection could be accidentally seen to the outside. There is an abaya cloakroom and a beautifying room for women to glam themselves up before making their grand entrance.
I was expecting that purses would be searched for cameras and phones confiscated but to my surprise nothing was said about my phone and the bag was left alone. I was able to snap some pics that night as well! All of the women were removing their ras abaya, (the most conservative over the head version) leaving them at the cloakroom run by African women. This room had mirrors all over and women were putting on lipstick and fluffing up their already HUGE hair. There was hairsprays and perfumes for women to use. I was already getting dizzy from all the sights, smells and sounds.
The women were all eyeing my friend and I probably trying to guess who we were. I saw women and girls pointing at me and whispering. Is that HER? She's american right? Amriki? The daughter-in-law of so and so?
I could feel the pressure building up and slowly moving up to my throat. Another African woman dressed in a strange white costume covered by a black sheer veil brought an incense burner in my face to puff the smoke around and I felt like choking. I was only at the entrance and I wanted to RUN! Get me out of here! I can't do this!
Thank God for my friend who came with me. She knows the brother of the bride from school in the U.S. She's also Arab so I had a translator as well as an emotional support for the evening. I don't know how I would've survived without her. We ended up having so much fun despite my failing nerves.
I was looking around and trying to recognize any familiar faces of the relatives. Honestly speaking the women all wore so much make-up I was having a hard time. Finally I saw one of the sisters. We asked her what we were supposed to do and she advised us to go inside the wedding hall and greet the women on the right side then take a seat anywhere. Sounds pretty easy and simple right? WRONG!
As we approached the wedding hall in all its glory the truth unfolded. There were about 40 women standing or sitting in a line waiting to greet the guests. In the background more women stood or sat watching the entering guests. On the opposite side was a line of another 40 or so women from the grooms side watching on. That's a total of about 600 eyeballs. I almost panicked but managed not to faint or scream in horror.
I had thought out a theme on what to say. It all sounded so nice and collected in my head. Salaam aleikum, alf mabrouk, kef halek, you look beautiful, mashallah and so on..But my mouth did not listen to my brain. There was some sort of miscommunication and I ended up mumbling whatever came out in random order. More like marhabalek-queisa-dulilah. It's too painfully humiliating to remember more clearly so I will move on.
It's custom for Saudi women to kiss one another on the cheeks while holding hands as a greeting. Sounds so simple again, doesn't it? NOPE. One woman might kiss you once on your right cheek and that's it. The next will hold your hand and kiss you once then pull you in for three times on the other side. The third one might kiss you back on forth on each cheek. Some women that are not particularly fond of western women marrying their men will not kiss you at all. As a young woman you're supposed to kiss some of the elderly women on the foreheads as sign of respect. Some of them will reject this, some will accept. Now try figuring out which woman is which type of kisser and do 40 in a row without accidentally landing someone a nose-ear-eyes or LIP kiss in the process. I must have offended 39/40 women in the line.
After the humiliation ceremony we proceeded to find a seat. Most of the tables were already taken so we walked all the way to the back to find an empty table. The hall was full of round tables and in the middle there was an aisle lined with plush arabic style sofas I'm guessing for the more important guests. The aisle had a red carpet sprinkled with rose petals leading to the stage which was elaborately decorated with flowers and vases and in the middle was a white leather sofa where the bride later sat.
Notice the little plastic water cup on the table? That was the only drink that was served during the dancing/waiting/ogling period. I was so thirsty that by midnight I swear I wanted to drink the water from the flowers and those small candle holders! The waitresses were serving chocolates, dates, salty pastries and more chocolates to make guests even thirstier. Arabic coffee, which I don't count as a thirst quenching drink was being offered every 5 minutes. I asked one the waitresses for more water and she angrily replied there's only one per guest and that I should have more coffee! Yikes. Ok. Chill. I'm just gonna sip on this 5 mls of coffee at a time and get more dehydrated from it. Did I mention I was also starving?
On the stage there were three African women that started playing drums called "duff" which is the only type of music that the most conservative people approve of. The women started singing Arabic songs and it was LOUD. I have been to rock concerts and stood next to the loudspeakers and been more comfortable. Women were starting to dance all around the hall. Some of the young women went on stage and there seemed to be no shyness whatsoever involved in their dance. Some girls were dancing VERY close together
Guests kept coming in and women kept eyeing us. All the tables were full now except ours. No one wanted to sit with us. We curiously watched how the women were dressed. Like my husband said, the fashion was definitely more conservative than I had heard rumors of. No bare backs, short skirts, bare shoulders or anything too sexy. Cleavage seemed to be ok though. There was however so much glitter, ruffles, lace, sequins, bows, bling bling and colors that it had my head spinning. Ultimate extravagance. The Oscars are nothing compared to this.
Most of the dresses were sort of tacky Saudi style you see in the malls, the kind I always wondered who wears this? Well now I know. Simple and sleek are NOT in. The more decorations on the dress the better! Many women had long trails on the dresses and plunging necklines were filled with gigantic jewelry. I mean out of this world in size. There also seems to be no rule of balancing the jewelry such as if you have a huge necklace, then no huge earrings, rings or bracelets. AS IF! Size and quantity does matter!
Despite the tackiness, exaggerated hair, heavy make-up and christmas-treeish outfits most of the women looked stunning. Some, looked umm..interesting. There was one particular lady wearing an extremely form fitting (read like sausage skin) evening gown made with what seemed thousands of small golden sequins. The dress had a long trail and a generous neckline to show off her enormous ahem goods including a solid gold necklace. Her assemble was so shiny I swear it might have done some damage to my eyes as I could not take my eyes off of it. Kind of like looking into solar eclipse.
I had never put this much make-up on but still I had the least stuff on my face from the wedding guests. The post I wrote earlier about the wedding make-up might have been a bit exaggerated but gives some guideline on how some of these women looked like. Some of the younger girls and women had less make-up on though.
The table next to us filled with teenagers all busy on their iPhones. I swear they were taking our pic secretly. I noticed the small children running around in pretty dresses upstairs and maids attending to them. Some of them waived to me and I smiled and waived back. Upstairs is where the bride stays hidden for most of the wedding. There is a room for her to get ready in and the groom and his father will come there for photography from the men's side. She eats in this room with the groom as well. There is a staircase lined with rose petals and a red carpet coming down from the room to the wedding hall.
Some examples of the dress styles.
At this point some of the bride's friends came to sit at our table (only seats available lol) and I talked to some of them (or rather shouted in their ears) who knew English well. They were all medical professionals, just graduated. Some of them had elegant and relatively simple dresses with not too much make-up. One of those girls narrated the whole wedding to me.
Next I started wondering how come some women were still wearing their hijab (head coverings). It's only females, why? Apparently for the older women it's a sign of status. But most shockingly I noticed there were women in abayas. And wait. Is that a woman wearing niqab? Why on earth would they come to a wedding in niqab? There was at least four such women in attendance who never removed their veils. One had pimped up the niqab with gold crystals. Read my previous post about women who even sleep in their veils here: http://blueabaya.blogspot.com/2011/06/eternal-veil.html
More chocolates, anyone?
For the majority of the wedding women sit and chat and ogle others dresses. Unmarried women will try to show off by dancing for the potential future mother-in-laws in hopes of being noticed as candidates. The dancing on the stage got more intense as the wedding proceeded in anticipation of the bride's appearance. Soon a belly dancer started performing on stage. She was actually a wedding guest in an evening gown but they switched the music to Egyptian and she started swaying around the stage while women excitedly cheered her on and started ululating. Kind of odd because I'm not used to women eyeing women like that but hey whatever rocks your boat.
The "Saudi" dance style is hard to describe. It's nothing like the belly dancing that first comes to mind when imagining Arabic dance but more like the men's sword dance in rhythm. The women sway their bodies, slowly moving sideways as if they are floating, their hips and upper bodies making rhythmic movements to the beat of the drums. The woman might hold her long skirt with one hand and wave the other hand in the air. Sometimes women will also swish their long hair back and forth. I love this type of dance! The rhythm is also very catchy. I don't know exactly how to master this dance although i'm pretty good at belly dancing ;) So I thought to myself, thank God I don't have to dance on the stage in front of everyone! Oh how wrong I was..
Here is the only clip I could find that has similar dancing to what can be seen at weddings and other women's functions. I could not find out if it has a specific name but this is labelled simply under "khaleeji dance".
Stay tuned for the second part of the Saudi wedding experience including the taunting bridal walk, my chicken dance and a lamb's butt surprise!
A fair complexion equals beauty in many cultures around the world. In Saudi-Arabia white is definitely the preferred skin tone for both men and women. But like most things in the world, the pressure of being fair is mainly placed upon the woman. Sadly, mothers and other female family members are the ones maintaining and contributing to this phenomenon.
The obsession of white skin tone starts when the baby is still in the mother's womb. Expecting mothers might be instructed to eat certain foods to help "make" their baby develop whiter skin. They say adding saffron to milk makes white babies. Pregnant women might be told to avoid coffee, iron tablets or dark chocolate. Such ignorance when everyone today should know it's up to your genes! If some women really think it has some effect, shouldn't they as Muslims avoid changing God's creation anyways?
Daughters will be kept inside the house and not allowed to play in the sun in fear of exposing the skin to the tanning effects of the sun. Never mind the health benefits such as obtaining vitamin D from the suns rays. The levels of vit. D of Saudi women are alarmingly low, one of the lowest in the world. Vitamin D deficiency causes multiple health problems to the mothers and the children. Complete veiling of the body would also have an effect on the low levels.
So the couped up girls spend their childhood mostly indoors while boys of course can do what they want and play outside all they like. Girls worry about their knees and elbows not becoming too dark from playing on the floor like their mothers warned them. It's very common to hear comments on children's skin tone here. People will even talk about their own kids to other people pointing out how this one is much whiter than that one. How this sister is so white and beautiful while the other is dark and ugly. I can't even imagine the damage this does to the girls self esteem.
When the Saudi girl starts menstruating their childhood is over and many will be forced by their families to suddenly veil their entire bodies. Check out how miserable blogger Omaima felt when she had to wear the abaya for the first time: http://omaimanajjar.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/how-i-felt-when-i-wore-an-abaya-for-the-first-time/
Reaching puberty will also further increase the pressure of a whiter skin tone and this is when many girls start trying different treatments.
When Saudi men start seeking for brides they inform their mothers who then start looking for potential wives at weddings and other social functions. Young women will come to show off to weddings for this very reason. The man will often have a few desires on his list of requirements of the woman's appearance. Most often than not, white skin tone is on the top of the list. Second in line would come straight hair, perhaps large boobs, small nose. Seriously, men say these things to their mothers! As if they are in search of cattle.
Under this immense pressure to have a white skin tone and keeping in mind how it might raise their chances of landing a good husband, the Saudi woman will go to great lengths to obtain a pale complex. Some mothers will be obsessed with the daughters skin tone from birth which continues this vicious cycle.
Most women will opt for whitening creams which are extremely popular around Asia and the ME. I personally never saw so many types and brands of whitening creams in my life. Most are marketed to give you a "healthy glow".
When I first moved to the Kingdom I remember searching for a TANNING cream at the pharmacy. I was in awe of all the whitening products and while browsing the aisle an Arab male pharmacist approached me. He took a jar from the shelf and asked me "I think this is what you're looking for ma'm". I looked at the product, wondering how on earth could this man telepathically know I was searching for a self tanner. But lo and behold what the pervert had just suggested! It was a whitening cream specifically for private parts! I other words your VJ!
I wanted to slap him right then and there but could not utter a word from my disgust and amazement. I just turned around and walked away.
After I recovered from my initial shock I was able to think about it. Why would a woman put something potentially harmful on her private parts just to please a man?Why would someone want to bleach their VJ for God's sake? Is this one of the requirements Saudi men have for their brides? Can you believe they have a website dedicated to whitening your tidbits?http://vaginalbleaching.org/
So there are all sorts of whitening creams out there. Also, all sorts of home-made whitening creams are available. They are the most sought after products because they contain ingredients that are banned from the market. Anything that has been banned for sale because of harmful ingredients should be avoided like the plague right? Nope.
Now this reminds me of a tragic story of one young bride to be.
A teenage Saudi girl was engaged and in preparations for her wedding, had obtained one of these whitening products available on the black market. A while after she had started using it she got an eye and skin infection. The infection did not improve with oral antibiotics and she was taken into the hospital for treatment.
After a while the infection was so bad it has reached her eyes and they had to remove her eyeballs. They could not control the infection. She lost both her eyes. She was in the hospital for weeks but doctors were not able to cure her. Finally the infection spread into her bloodstream and days after she passed away.
What an unnecessary, sad and maddening death! An innocent hopeful bride that just wanted to look more beautiful on her wedding day. Just because the society she lives in tells her she is not beautiful enough as she is, this tragedy had to happen. Just because of this sick twisted mentality of admiring white skin, a beautiful soul was lost.
Another strange way way of skin whitening is applying camel urine on the skin. yes, camel urine! It's true that camel urine has been proven to have whitening qualities. But who would want to rub it on their faces? Some women.
I had a patient whose family was into this camel urine and milk treatment. Don't get me wrong, camel's milk and urine have many proven health benefits, just check this article: http://blueabaya.blogspot.com/2010/06/camels-milk-urine-potential-cure-for.html
But one of the daughters had taken it to the extreme. She seemed surprisingly white compared to the others. She told me her secret was applying camel urine on her skin everyday, and mentioned how it works for female area as well. What? Now that can't be healthy! Just another example of the extreme measures women will go through for whiter skin.
Funny how most women in the west like to get a tan and hate pale complexions. I have to admit I used to be the kind of girl that always went to the beach for tanning and in Saudi I spent all my days off at the hospital pool enjoying the sunshine. In the west some women take tanning to the extreme using spray tanning, tanning booths and so on resulting in a year round "healthy glow".
You won't find many tanning booths in Saudi though, just go to any beauty salon in Saudi and instead they actually have whitening booths! Salons will have a wide variety of skin whitening treatments available. One of the newest trends is using laser.
It's really sad to witness this phenomenon in Saudi and elsewhere in the world. My daughter has already been effected by it. It's always pointed out how white she is. I have been requested by my husbands family members not to take her out in the sun so she wouldn't get tanned. When we got back from our summer holiday in Finland, where we spent most of our time out in the sunshine my daughter had tanned quite a lot and I heard some pretty negative comments on her new color.
I love that my daughter has a darker complexion than mine, I think it's beautiful. In Finland she is "dark" but in Saudi she is "white". I wish people would stop looking at the surface and look deeper for beauty in the person. The outer color really does not matter.
P.S. If you liked this post or if you're just a really, really nice and beautiful person, with an extra 37 seconds to spare, then would you please pretty please click here :http://2012.bloggi.es/ to vote for Blue Abaya at the 12th Annual Weblog Awards! Few days left for voting and Blue Abaya is nominated as Best Asian Blog. THANK YOU!!
My first experience from Saudi wedding make-up was when a colleague of mine showed me her wedding picture album. My jaw dropped! WHOA! Girl literally had painted rainbows on her eyelids and had some sort of crystals plastered around her eyebrows. Gigantic fake eyelashes, bright pink lips and her skin covered with foundation white as the snow. I could not even recognize her!
Strangely enough this girl never wore make-up to work and always seemed to be very modest behind her niqab. She is also a natural beauty. So putting all that paint on her face to me seemed like she was drowning her beauty. Her face looked almost frightening. The below makeup tutorial looks a bit similar but without all the added crystals on the brows:
Of course I told her she looked beautiful, but to this day I have never understood the need for some Saudi and Arab women to smother so much make-up on their faces. Less is more, anyone?
The first time I attended a Saudi wedding I was in shock of the fashion sense (or lack there of) and especially the make-up of some of the attending women. Think Batman, Boy George and Star Trek..Women just go all out and totally over the top. it's more like a carneval or a masquerade.
I usually don't wear a lot of make-up except for special occasions. Apparently my perception of "a lot" does not conform with the Saudis. I had applied extra dark eye shadow and eyeliner for this wedding. Nevertheless, some women came up to me to ask "Don't you have eyeliner and mascara on? Of course I had eyeliner and mascara, duh! But I hadn't smudged my entire eyes with it. Also, blue eyes just never appear as dark with make-up and my eyelashes are really light color. If you put too much make-up on a blonde woman she ends up looking like a working girl IMHO.
So I heard "Tsk, tsk tsk. Unacceptable, she has to put more make-up on!"
"Doesn't your husband want you to wear eyeliner?" was the next question. Ummm..I don't know? What does it have to do with me being here in a all female setting anyways?
There's a big wedding coming up so I've been searching online to check out some nice Arabic style make-ups to try blend in with the crowd more. And boy the stuff that's out there is just..I have no words. Take a look at some of the looks I found:
Poison Ivy-look. What is up with the eyebrows, how did they move to the middle of her forehead?? Inspired by Mr. Spock perhaps?
Herpes-look. Enough said.
Raccoon-look. What happened to her nose anyway?
Peacock-look. I wonder if it comes with feathers attached to your butt as well?
Dear Lord help me-look. Help me look into the mirror and realize I look like a drag queen before I leave the house.
Mix and match miss-matched colors-look. The more colors you are able to splash on your face, the better.
Boy George-look. Is he an Arab Idol?
The angry owl-look. Reminds me of this bird we have in Finland called huuhkaja:
Star Trek-look. Beads on your forehead make you look like an alien, period.
The 80's-look. Gotcha! Did you even notice this is not a woman, but in fact Boy George?
Hypnosis-look. Ok colored contacts can be nice if they're subtle, but this is creepy!..And don't get me started on the lip liner!
Spider-look. Everything about the look reminds me of spiders, spiderwebs and beehives and other creepy crawlers.
Face painting-look. Ya face paintings were fun when we were like 5 years old.
Measles-look. The only place where studs look good is on your bag. Or shoes. Maybe jeans. But for the love of God, don't put them on your face!
In case you are wondering how these masterpieces are created check out this tutorial:
Ok I think I will pass on the fabulousness. I'm just too modest for these looks :p
I will opt for a more simple look because I don't want to look too outrageously smashing and get the evil eye from jealous women.
I like the light pink lips with the smokey eyes-look. I might have to add color to the brows for a more Arab style.
I bet if I do something like this I will be just a wall flower and nobody will fell threatened by my presence.
What do you think? Which Arabic make-up look is your favorite?
P.P.S If you liked this post please pretty please vote for Blue Abaya for the Best Asian blog at the 12th Annual Weblog Awards here: http://2012.bloggi.es/ Voting closes Feb 19th. Thanks!
What's the difference between a Saudi and a Finnish wedding ceremony?
-In Saudi the groom is the one in long white dress and the bride is wearing black!
-Instead of "you may now kiss the bride" in Saudi it's "you may now see the bride".
Ok so as I promised in my previous post about getting the marriage permission in Saudi, I will tell you of the day we went to the judge to get married.
For preparations I had to disguise my 9 months pregnancy belly. I had gotten a very loose fitting over the head abaya for the occasion. Underneath it I wore a tight bellycorset and then four sweaters to try to look more evenly big. It worked, I looked in the mirror and saw a big mass of black with only the eyes visible. I had to walk a little slouched and try not to wobble! Needless to say it was not exactly comfortable or easy to manouver myself in that abaya. I constantly felt it's going to drop down from my head and my stomach will be exposed or that I would trip on it and fall over! I told my husband I felt like a bowling pin.
We arrived at the courthouse and met our witnesses and the man that acted as my wali(normally that would be my father if he was muslim).This building is solely for marriages and divorces and the marriages can be done from 10 to 12 p.m only. We went to wait outside the judges (Sheikh) room, and I went to sit in the female waiting area as the men handle everything here.
When we finally got into the judges room, I was the only woman there. The judge, his assistant, two witnesses and the wali were there. I felt somewhat akward but tried to walk in as normally as possible and sat down in front of the judge. Sitting actually masked the belly really well.
The judge shuffled our papers around and then on seeing the conditions we had put in our contract laughed so hard his long beard jolted. I felt humiliated! He then asked me in arabic, why are you denying your husband his right for a second wife? I said because it's my preference. He then continued to ask why I was asking for such an amount of muakhar(amount paid by husband to wife in case of divorce). I replied in case he takes another wife. The judge shaked his head and everyone was quiet in the room.
Then he sent us all out. The man acting as my wali said the judge is not going to marry us because of the conditions, that we should just take them out. I was furious! I said absolutely not, and I want another judge! My husband and I had in fact already agreed to cut the muakhar amount in half before going to the judge from recommendation of the wali. I didn't think it was the judges business to interfere with our personal decisions in the first place. Whatever the woman wants to add as extra conditions should be fine as long as they don't go against Islam and of course the husband agrees to them.
We saw other couples going in and out in under five minutes. Finally we got called back in.
Then suddenly he started asking for my Shahadah certificate (certificate that I a muslim).We didn't have it because on my iqama it states I'm muslim and it should have been enough. The judge started insisting he could not marry us without this paper. He sent us out again. My husband had to go to some sheikhs office to try get some kind of paper without avail. We went back to the judge. He said if you get me the certificate before 1 p.m it's ok. It was 12:15.
We rushed to the car and drove home like crazy. My husband ran upstairs to get the certificate, thank God we knew where it was! We were back at the courthouse at 12:40. But it seemed like this judge had disappeared into thin air. We searched for him everywhere for about an hour. He clearly didn't want to marry us and used the shahadah certificate as an excuse to get himself out of it.
So now what? My husband went around the courthouse asking if we could have another judge. He finally found one but we had to wait another half hour to see him. I was getting extremely uncomfotable and hot in my gear and hadn't had anything to drink in fear of needing to use the toilet and disassembling everything.
The second judge did not laugh at the conditions, but told me he will not include the no second wife condition in the contract. This time there was an interpreter in the room also, although most of what the judge said was not translated. He lectured my husband for a long time about agreeing to this condition. "Islam allows you up to four wives". As if he wasn't aware and we hadn't already discussed everything and mutually agreed. My blood was boiling but I tried to stay calm. The judge was saying my husband can't know if he changes his mind in the future. The sheikh told me this is not Islam. I said it's my right to have it in there. I was getting really upset because I felt he was just thinking of the rights of the man ignoring the woman's. What was it to him anyway, this was our personal issue! He insisted we go home and think things over.
I wasn't going to back out however much he was trying to intimidate me. So then the judge finally agreed to add it.
Next the judge had a problem with the muahkar. He said this amount is unheard of and against Islam. Really? Actually who is he to say what is a fair amount? Women don't get much anything here, let alone half of everything like in the west in case of divorce so I wanted to have it there as a sort of insurance. Again the lectures began. He tried to persuade me to take it out. I told him he is pressuring me and THAT is against Islam. He questioned my husband over and over. It looked like he was not going to marry us if I didn't do as he wished. I was so annoyed at the whole situation. It was unbelievable. I felt like he was trying to strip me of my rights in a room full of men and I thought to myself I am not going to BUDGE.
It paid off. After a long moment of silence the judge agreed after asking the witnesses to testify my husband was in his right mind and not sick or delusional (to agreeing to marry some woman as stubborn and demanding and aware of their rights as me I guess!). The judge read out something in arabic and stated the extra conditions. We both said we agreed and then everyone signed the paper. I tried to get up from my chair as normally as possible and slouched over when I walked up to him to sign. And finally it was over! It was mentioned Finland was not in their system and they had to add it in.
What a relief! We went outside and took some pictures in front of the building with our license. It was very windy and my belly was fully visible now. As we were taking the pictures the judge left the building and passed us in his car :D
I'm not sure were the judges so hesitant because we are a mixed couple or if this the typical stance of Saudi judges. Don't Saudi women ever ask for these conditions to look after their interests?
In all the whole process took about 5 hours instead of the anticipated 5 minutes! But it was worth it of course, we are very lucky to get the permission in the first place. I will never forget my Saudi wedding day!
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