Does Saudi-Arabia Need Sex Education?

A while ago I wrote about Saudi men and the cultural pressure society brings on them to perform in the bedroom. Check it out here: http://blueabaya.blogspot.com/2011/09/saudi-men-and-pressure-to-perform.html

In the article you can read how some young Saudi men are not able to consummate their marriages due to performance anxiety. A study of newly married Saudi couples found the prevalence of so called "Honeymoon impotence" to be as high as 17%. The same study concluded that 63% of marriages were not consummated because of the severe anxiety of the woman leading to a condition called vaginismus. Other reasons were erectile dysfunction, not knowing coital technique and low sexual desire.
One of the underlying factors to the problem is lack of sex education for young girls and boys.
Most of these cases of unconsummated marriages could have been prevented if they had been educated and aware of their bodies and its functions.

There is an alarmingly high rate of divorces among newlyweds in the Kingdom. Most divorces occur within the first year of marriage. Unconsummated marriage is one of the top reasons for young couples to seek divorce. Proper sex education could significantly help to lower the divorce rate.

Because of the lack of sex education in Saudi-Arabia the young are left to find out for themselves. This can naturally result in some horribly wrong ideas and lead to unrealistic expectations and create extreme anxiety and fears. Girls and boys won't learn from their parents either since everything sexual is viewed as "a'eib" (forbidden and shameful). The best sources for the girls are other peers at school and the maids! Now how much do the uneducated maids really know and how much are superstitions coming from their cultures?

Why is there no sex ed in Saudi? Does Islam forbid talking about sex?
No. But like many things in Saudi, true Islamic teachings and what is actually happening around here are two completely different things. Islam does not frown upon talking about sex and educating young people. Sexual relations between married couples are seen as normal part of life and nothing to be ashamed about. However the strong influence some sheikhs have on public opinion is one reason why Saudis cringe at the idea of their kids having sex education. All talk about sex is a taboo.

The message sent by some religious fanatics is that sex ed is bad and causes harm. These people think young men and especially women might get some perverted ideas in their heads if they are taught about sex. If you teach them about anatomy of the opposite sex and show how it's "done" they will become sex crazed and go and have premarital relations. Some even say showing pics of male and female sexual organs is a form of western conspiracy. Or that talking about sex will make women promiscuous. Sometimes I wonder what sort of dirty minds come up with this anyways?

You would think that in this day and age the internet would provide at least some sort of info on the subject. The problem of self educating about marital relations is that many of the sites remain censored from Saudi and there is just all sorts of wrong information available. Also internet time for the youth (especially the girls!) will be restricted or they are not allowed to use the internet at all. This leads to young couples getting married without having a clue of basic anatomy of the other half and no knowledge of how babies are made.

So I will conclude by telling you a real life example of how badly sex education is needed here.
A newly married couple came to the infertility clinic for check up. They had been trying for over a year to conceive without any luck. The doctors ran some tests and everything came back normal. The couple was sent back home to keep trying and praying for a child.
Another year went by and the couple started to get very frustrated and came back to the clinic. As the doctor discussed their options he thought of asking a few questions of their "technique" to rule out any issues there.

The man explained how they had marital relations always in the same position and how it was usually very painful for the wife. The doctor started to suspect there really was something wrong with their technique and showed them a picture of the anatomy of female sexual organs asking the husband to show which area they used during intercourse. He very shyly pointed to the "back door".

Problem solved. The couple conceived shortly after the quick sex ed by the doctor.

So if this Saudi man was not able to locate the correct passage for two years then I can't imagine what else is out there?

So what do you think? Would Saudi-Arabia benefit from sex ed?

The Princess Souq

The Princess Souq! Sounds like a souq for princesses right? Glamour, glitter and gorgeous gowns?
Not exactly.
This is actually a second hand souq located near to Batha the infamous "ghetto" of Riyadh.
It's like a huge open area marketplace, fleamarket, garage sale, whatever you call it, it's worth a visit!

At first visitors might be taken aback by the set up, looks like a shack village with all the ugly metal sheets, dirty carpets, and general uncleanliness of the area.
But this is a place where women (and why not some adventurous men!) can make incredible bargains and make some surprising finds.

The name of the souq comes from rumors that the clothing was donated there by royal family princesses. This might be partly true judging on some of the items that can be found there but the majority of the clothing is normal everyday brands (not saying real Princesses wouldn't wear such but..) also some of the evening gowns are just..so interesting. Take a look at the pics below and you will see what I mean. Would an Al-Saud Princess step out to a gala dinner in something like this for example:

I highly doubt it, although, you never know. Check out the dude in the right lower corner. I will tell you about him later.

Princess souq is open everyday but the best days to go are weekday mornings. Not too much of a crowd and you can actually see the clothes! Sometimes at night the whole area might be out of electricity and even if they do have it, the lamps are ridiculously bad quality! The shops start opening at 9-10 am and close at Dhuhr prayer sharp. Muttawa roam this area frequently so shopkeepers will promptly close their shops in fear of getting arrested. Next the shops open after Asr and then close after Isha'a prayer. On Fridays the souq is closed in the morning.

The Princess souq is also called Haraj bin Gassem and most taxi drivers will know it by this name. If you want to venture out there on your own vehicle, be prepared to get lost a few times as the area can be confusing. Take the exit 22 ask for Haraj or carpet souq which is next to it and you will be pointed to the right direction. 

 When you get to the souq the amount of clothing will be overwhelming. It's good to ask the salesmen who are mostly Indian and Pakistani and speak some English to point out the best evening gowns for you, if that's what you're looking for. Many of the nicest gowns hang from the ceilings and might be hard to spot. But there are some stunning evening gowns out there! This is also an indication of how many parties Saudi women attend (gown can only be used once then thrown).
The vast styles Saudi ladies wear to weddings and parties is really interesting. There are simple elegant ones and way over the top ones with the motto of "you cannot put too much lace, satin, bows, beading, crystals, ruffles and embroidery on one dress". It's amazing what women will actually wear! Reminds me of Christmas somehow..hmm..

 Browsing the souq you will come across the weirdest things. Here some pretty raunchy panties hanging among other underwear. I will leave it to your imagination what else can be found there..

 One of my favorite things to search for are children's clothing and little girls party dresses. They will go for as cheap as 5-10SAR a piece and the more you purchase the more discount you will get! I bring these back home to my nieces who love to dress up as little princesses. In Finland raw silk and handmade gowns like this would cost anywhere form 100 euros up, so getting them for a mere fraction of the price is totally worth the hassle.

^^Saudi Haute Couture anyone?

 There he is again! The down side to shopping at Princess souq are the perverts. I also call this place Pervert Central. I would not advise women to go here alone but always in groups or preferably with husbands. If you absolutely must go alone then take a trusted driver to walk around with you. I have been groped here in full daylight by men walking past and just taking a go. Another tactic they use is lurking behind the clothing stands.

One of my friends actually caught a guy masturbating behind the racks. My tactic is to take their picture and shout at them. Sometimes they need serious actions! The above creepy creepers were following us around on different occasions.
The first guy pretended to be purchasing something. I told him to take a hike and he started asking if we were Russians and wouldn't listen to me telling him to piss off, he just continued his game.I finally shouted at him very loudly and he shouted back F**k you Russians! He left cursing us.

The perv #2 was just staring at us. I tried to take his pic but he kept turning around. So next I told the salesman about his behavior (they know these guys sometimes) and he just picked up and old shoe from the ground and threw it in the perverts direction! The slimeball ran away.

So if you find yourself in these situations it's best to make a big deal to expose him and do ask the salesmen for help, they are very friendly and polite.

For once the Hai'a who are strongly present in this area would come in handy but guess what? They only concentrate on shouting from their megaphones for women to cover and men to close shops for prayer and go pray. Sometimes they even beat people to go pray. One of my Asian colleagues got shouted at and beaten on her legs for wearing an abaya that had small butterflies on it. She was forced to cover it with a plain black one from the souq.
That's the priorities of the religious police for you..

 So what about the prices? It's an absolute MUST to haggle here! Prices range according to the color of your face. No joke! Western women might get asked 100 SAR for something Indians or Filipinos might get for 10 SAR. I never paid more than 50SAR for an evening gown and that was only once! Usually they will go for 20-30 a piece, children starting from 10-20 a piece.
Normal clothing is much cheaper, you can get three shirts or skirts for 10 SAR. If you find an expensive brand name don't mention it to the seller, sometimes they are not even aware. The above blue evening gown cost me 15SAR and it's flawless and looks stunning! If you are not getting results with your bargaining skills, simply WALK away. 90% of the time the seller will run after you and sell for the price you asked.

 You will not want to buy anything with a stain on it, but sometimes some stains have slipped my attention. Some do come off in laundry but the salesmen will try to convince you everything comes off. I always take the evening gowns to the dry cleaners in Saudi because it's really cheap here and they will iron the gowns for you too. The rest of the clothes I just wash in the washing machine. It's always a good idea to check that the zippers are working.

You can find the most beautiful wedding gowns here as well. Most of them have been custom made. The above dress came down from 750 to 220 SAR. It has intricate lace and beading detail and is high quality silk, the veil is simply breath taking! Below one of the beautiful gowns more my style that I found for 20SAR:

So is it worth the dust, traffic, perverts, sometimes heat and all the hassle? In my opinion it's a definite YES! But I like little "adventures" and don't mind a few setbacks. This place is surely not for everyone. I took my mother and sister there when they were visiting Saudi and they really liked it.

Here are my little nieces fascinated by their new REAL Princess dresses :)

Mirror Mirror On The Wall..

Who is the whitest of them all?

A fair complexion equals beauty in many cultures around the world. In Saudi-Arabia white is definitely the preferred skin tone for both men and women. But like most things in the world, the pressure of being fair is mainly placed upon the woman. Sadly, mothers and other female family members are the ones maintaining and contributing to this phenomenon.

The obsession of white skin tone starts when the baby is still in the mother's womb. Expecting mothers might be instructed to eat certain foods to help "make" their baby develop whiter skin. They say adding saffron to milk makes white babies. Pregnant women might be told to avoid coffee, iron tablets or dark chocolate. Such ignorance when everyone today should know it's up to your genes! If some women really think it has some effect, shouldn't they as Muslims avoid changing God's creation anyways?

Daughters will be kept inside the house and not allowed to play in the sun in fear of exposing the skin to the tanning effects of the sun. Never mind the health benefits such as obtaining vitamin D from the suns rays. The levels of vit. D of Saudi women are alarmingly low, one of the lowest in the world. Vitamin D deficiency causes multiple health problems to the mothers and the children. Complete veiling of the body would also have an effect on the low levels.

So the couped up girls spend their childhood mostly indoors while boys of course can do what they want and play outside all they like. Girls worry about their knees and elbows not becoming too dark from playing on the floor like their mothers warned them. It's very common to hear comments on children's skin tone here. People will even talk about their own kids to other people pointing out how this one is much whiter than that one. How this sister is so white and beautiful while the other is dark and ugly. I can't even imagine the damage this does to the girls self esteem.

When the Saudi girl starts menstruating their childhood is over and many will be forced by their families to suddenly veil their entire bodies. Check out how miserable blogger Omaima felt when she had to wear the abaya for the first time: http://omaimanajjar.wordpress.com/2012/01/12/how-i-felt-when-i-wore-an-abaya-for-the-first-time/
Reaching puberty will also further increase the pressure of a whiter skin tone and this is when many girls start trying different treatments.


When Saudi men start seeking for brides they inform their mothers who then start looking for potential wives at weddings and other social functions. Young women will come to show off to weddings for this very reason. The man will often have a few desires on his list of requirements of the woman's appearance. Most often than not, white skin tone is on the top of the list. Second in line would come straight hair, perhaps large boobs, small nose. Seriously, men say these things to their mothers! As if they are in search of cattle.
Under this immense pressure to have a white skin tone and keeping in mind how it might raise their chances of landing a good husband, the Saudi woman will go to great lengths to obtain a pale complex. Some mothers will be obsessed with the daughters skin tone from birth which continues this vicious cycle.

Most women will opt for whitening creams which are extremely popular around Asia and the ME. I personally never saw so many types and brands of whitening creams in my life. Most are marketed to give you a "healthy glow".

When I first moved to the Kingdom I remember searching for a TANNING cream at the pharmacy. I was in awe of all the whitening products and while browsing the aisle an Arab male pharmacist approached me. He took a jar from the shelf and asked me "I think this is what you're looking for ma'm". I looked at the product, wondering how on earth could this man telepathically know I was searching for a self tanner. But lo and behold what the pervert had just suggested! It was a whitening cream specifically for private parts! I other words your VJ!
I wanted to slap him right then and there but could not utter a word from my disgust and amazement. I just turned around and walked away.

After I recovered from my initial shock I was able to think about it. Why would a woman put something potentially harmful on her private parts just to please a man?Why would someone want to bleach their VJ for God's sake? Is this one of the requirements Saudi men have for their brides? Can you believe they have a website dedicated to whitening your tidbits?http://vaginalbleaching.org/

So there are all sorts of whitening creams out there. Also, all sorts of home-made whitening creams are available. They are the most sought after products because they contain ingredients that are banned from the market. Anything that has been banned for sale because of harmful ingredients should be avoided like the plague right? Nope.

Now this reminds me of a tragic story of one young bride to be.
A teenage Saudi girl was engaged and in preparations for her wedding, had obtained one of these whitening products available on the black market. A while after she had started using it she got an eye and skin infection. The infection did not improve with oral antibiotics and she was taken into the hospital for treatment.

After a while the infection was so bad it has reached her eyes and they had to remove her eyeballs. They could not control the infection. She lost both her eyes. She was in the hospital for weeks but doctors were not able to cure her. Finally the infection spread into her bloodstream and days after she passed away.

What an unnecessary, sad and maddening death! An innocent hopeful bride that just wanted to look more beautiful on her wedding day. Just because the society she lives in tells her she is not beautiful enough as she is, this tragedy had to happen. Just because of this sick twisted mentality of admiring white skin, a beautiful soul was lost.

Another strange way way of skin whitening is applying camel urine on the skin. yes, camel urine! It's true that camel urine has been proven to have whitening qualities. But who would want to rub it on their faces? Some women.

I had a patient whose family was into this camel urine and milk treatment. Don't get me wrong, camel's milk and urine have many proven health benefits, just check this article: http://blueabaya.blogspot.com/2010/06/camels-milk-urine-potential-cure-for.html
But one of the daughters had taken it to the extreme. She seemed surprisingly white compared to the others. She told me her secret was applying camel urine on her skin everyday, and mentioned how it works for female area as well. What? Now that can't be healthy! Just another example of the extreme measures women will go through for whiter skin.

Funny how most women in the west like to get a tan and hate pale complexions. I have to admit I used to be the kind of girl that always went to the beach for tanning and in Saudi I spent all my days off at the hospital pool enjoying the sunshine. In the west some women take tanning to the extreme using spray tanning, tanning booths and so on resulting in a year round "healthy glow".
You won't find many tanning booths in Saudi though, just go to any beauty salon in Saudi and instead they actually have whitening booths! Salons will have a wide variety of skin whitening treatments available. One of the newest trends is using laser.

It's really sad to witness this phenomenon in Saudi and elsewhere in the world. My daughter has already been effected by it. It's always pointed out how white she is. I have been requested by my husbands family members not to take her out in the sun so she wouldn't get tanned. When we got back from our summer holiday in Finland, where we spent most of our time out in the sunshine my daughter had tanned quite a lot and I heard some pretty negative comments on her new color.

I love that my daughter has a darker complexion than mine, I think it's beautiful. In Finland she is "dark" but in Saudi she is "white". I wish people would stop looking at the surface and look deeper for beauty in the person. The outer color really does not matter.

P.S. If you liked this post or if you're just a really, really nice and beautiful person, with an extra 37 seconds to spare, then would you please pretty please click here :http://2012.bloggi.es/ to vote for Blue Abaya at the 12th Annual Weblog Awards! Few days left for voting and Blue Abaya is nominated as Best Asian Blog. THANK YOU!!

Why Do Saudis Spit On People?

Believe it or not this is an actual question I get asked every once in a while.

Expat nurses often ask me about some strange habits Saudis have and odd stuff they saw patients doing. I guess being married to a Saudi gives me more insight into some things but don't get me wrong, I'm no Saudipedia. But I like to correct some common misconceptions whenever I can.

Often some of the questions I get asked are related to Islam. For example why do Saudi men constantly fiddle with the prayer beads, why do Saudi men chew on sticks or why do Saudi women splash water all over the bathroom floors? Others are more cultural such as why do some female patients keep their whole head covered with a cloth while the doc examines her "down under"? Why do Saudis throw all the trash on the hospital floors or why do Saudis cluck their tongues all the time?

I don't have an answer to everything, although sometimes I wish I understood.

Back to the question about the spitting on people. First of all I like to point out that although it does look and sound like the person is in fact spitting on the patient, he is by no means *spitting*. What is happening is actually praying. The person is reciting Quran and kind of "blowing" the words onto the patient. If anyone knows how to explain this better, feel free to leave a comment.

Muslims believe that reading the Quran on the sick person has healing abilities and this is why nurses will often witness this behavior with patients. I've known many nurses that have been disgusted by the practice because they honestly don't have a clue of why someone would spit on their sick relatives.

Well thankfully some of the confused nurses want to find out what is actually going on while others just like to remain ignorant and poke fun at the Saudis saying, they like to spit on people! I have to admit I've witnessed some pretty "enthusiastic" styles myself and saliva has certainly been seen flying around, especially with Bedouin patients. But this practice is only a sincere attempt to cure the patients :)

For more weird habits of Bedouin patients check this post: http://blueabaya.blogspot.com/2010/06/bedouins-as-patients.html
Read about Saudi women who never remove their veils here: http://blueabaya.blogspot.com/2011/06/eternal-veil.html

Blogger Qusay sent me this clip it shows little kids imitating the reading and blowing, very cute thanks!

The Saudi Wedding Make-Up Masquerade

My first experience from Saudi wedding make-up was when a colleague of mine showed me her wedding picture album. My jaw dropped! WHOA! Girl literally had painted rainbows on her eyelids and had some sort of crystals plastered around her eyebrows. Gigantic fake eyelashes, bright pink lips and her skin covered with foundation white as the snow. I could not even recognize her!

Strangely enough this girl never wore make-up to work and always seemed to be very modest behind her niqab. She is also a natural beauty. So putting all that paint on her face to me seemed like she was drowning her beauty. Her face looked almost frightening. The below makeup tutorial looks a bit similar but without all the added crystals on the brows:

Of course I told her she looked beautiful, but to this day I have never understood the need for some Saudi and Arab women to smother so much make-up on their faces. Less is more, anyone?

The first time I attended a Saudi wedding I was in shock of the fashion sense (or lack there of) and especially the make-up of some of the attending women. Think Batman, Boy George and Star Trek..Women just go all out and totally over the top. it's more like a carneval or a masquerade.

I usually don't wear a lot of make-up except for special occasions. Apparently my perception of "a lot" does not conform with the Saudis. I had applied extra dark eye shadow and eyeliner for this wedding. Nevertheless, some women came up to me to ask "Don't you have eyeliner and mascara on? Of course I had eyeliner and mascara, duh! But I hadn't smudged my entire eyes with it. Also, blue eyes just never appear as dark with make-up and my eyelashes are really light color. If you put too much make-up on a blonde woman she ends up looking like a working girl IMHO.

So I heard "Tsk, tsk tsk. Unacceptable, she has to put more make-up on!"

"Doesn't your husband want you to wear eyeliner?" was the next question. Ummm..I don't know? What does it have to do with me being here in a all female setting anyways? 

There's a big wedding coming up so I've been searching online to check out some nice Arabic style make-ups to try blend in with the crowd more. And boy the stuff that's out there is just..I have no words. Take a look at some of the looks I found:

 Poison Ivy-look. What is up with the eyebrows, how did they move to the middle of her forehead?? Inspired by Mr. Spock perhaps? 

 Herpes-look. Enough said.

Raccoon-look. What happened to her nose anyway?

 Peacock-look. I wonder if it comes with feathers attached to your butt as well?

 Dear Lord help me-look. Help me look into the mirror and realize I look like a drag queen before I leave the house.

 Mix and match miss-matched colors-look. The more colors you are able to splash on your face, the better.

 Boy George-look. Is he an Arab Idol?

The angry owl-look. Reminds me of this bird we have in Finland called huuhkaja:

Star Trek-look. Beads on your forehead make you look like an alien, period.

The 80's-look. Gotcha! Did you even notice this is not a woman, but in fact Boy George?

 Hypnosis-look. Ok colored contacts can be nice if they're subtle, but this is creepy!..And don't get me started on the lip liner!

 Spider-look. Everything about the look reminds me of spiders, spiderwebs and beehives and other creepy crawlers.

Face painting-look. Ya face paintings were fun when we were like 5 years old.

Measles-look. The only place where studs look good is on your bag. Or shoes. Maybe jeans. But for the love of God, don't put them on your face!

In case you are wondering how these masterpieces are created check out this tutorial:

Ok I think I will pass on the fabulousness. I'm just too modest for these looks :p

I will opt for a more simple look because I don't want to look too outrageously smashing and get the evil eye from jealous women. 

 I like the light pink lips with the smokey eyes-look. I might have to add color to the brows for a more Arab style.

I bet if I do something like this I will be just a wall flower and nobody will fell threatened by my presence.

What do you think? Which Arabic make-up look is your favorite?

P.S. I would like to add there are also very beautiful Arabic make-up styles, Noor has found some nice ones here: http://littlepinkstrawberries.blogspot.com/2010/12/arabic-makeup.html

P.P.S If you liked this post please pretty please vote for Blue Abaya for the Best Asian blog at the 12th Annual Weblog Awards here: http://2012.bloggi.es/ Voting closes Feb 19th. Thanks!

11 Cures For Sandbox Boredom

There's so many events going on this February I thought of dedicating a post to it on its own in addition to the Events tab I regularly update. Too many things going on this month not to be missed! I was going to add my regular ten for Tuesday but added one as an extra bonus for ya'll.

This list is to help all the people out there effected by the dreaded "Sandbox Boredom- Syndrome".
People always complain how Riyadh is such a boring city with nothing to do, no social life or events.
Wrong!

1. The annual Cultural Heritage Festival Janadriyah is the main event and a MUST SEE for all expats at least once! Starting 8th Feb running through 24th Feb. Check more info on events section and for pics from last year go here: http://blueabaya.blogspot.com/2011/04/janadriyah-2011.html


2. Reem International Circuit “Family Fun Day” onThur 9 Feb: 11 – 10pm. Safari animals, BBQ, Kids and adults activities,, campfire lunch and dinner provided. Email events@optimumchoice.com.sa or visit Good Ship Lollipop on Thalia St for tickets

3. Classical Music Concert at French Ambassador’s Residence Mon 13 Feb 8p.m. More info on events section.


4. Cosmo Beauty Fair 2012 11th -13th Feb at Four Seasons Hotel Ballroom check events section. Women only.

5. “Strike Out” Family Bowling Day Thur 16 Feb 2 – 4pm. Members SR 50. Non-members SR60. Inc. shoe rental and 2 games. Sign up by 13th Feb at http://www.acrsa.com/

6. Stand-up Comedy Show 16th Feb Riyadh, tickets available at Wayne's Coffee - Azizia Panda, Takassussi Branch. More info on events section.

7. Al Faisaliyah Hotel Globe Food Summit 13th -17th Feb. From educational cooking seminars to outstanding gala dinners, brunches and High Tea with Michelin Star awarded chefs. Reservations essential. Full schedule and timings here:  http://www.rosewoodhotels.com/en/alfaisaliahhotel/i/downloads/Globe_Summit.pdf


8. Chocoflora Exhibition 2012 Nayyara Banquet Hall. From 18th-21st Feb 2012. Go to events section for more info. Women only.


9. "From Sea to Shining Sea” in the US Embassy Formal Gardens Thur 23 Feb: 7pm – Midnight. SR 250. Tickets at USERA Gift Shop sold from Sat Jan 28th to Sun Feb 19th 9.30-3.30 Sat-Wed. Closed Feb 18th.

10. Barney and Friends come to KSA! Reem International Race Circuit 22-24th Feb several shows during the day. Barney, Pingu, Thomas The Train, Bob the Builder and others perform for the whole family. Tickets, schedules and F.A.Q here:  http://www.tlbcksa.com/

11.“Carnevale 2012” by OasItalia Cultural Center A cultural festival in the Italian Embassy Thur 1 Mar:  7.30 – midnight Tickets on sale Feb 2nd 10 – 12am (OasItalia members only) and Feb 3rd 4.30 – 7.30pm Nonmembers. Info at oasitalia@gmail.com

Go out and enjoy the lovely February weather and take a cultural bath this month!