Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Sinta, The Indonesian Prisoner-Housemaid, Part One

When I first met Sinta, an Indonesian housemaid turned into a prisoner of a hospital room, her entire being had an effect on me that I'll never forget. Sinta's sincerity was so genuine it made her appear almost child-like in her trust of others. The kindness of her heart shone through the lovely but shy smile on her face. A smile that would light up the whole room and bring a special kind of glow to it. Sinta was one of the most approachable and accepting people I've ever met. She would make everyone feel at ease from the minute they'd meet.

This is the first part out of three of her story which I think is too long and too much to digest in one post.

Sinta's story of how she ended up living with "Mama Ameenah" in that tiny and murky hospital room was told to me by the Malaysian nurses on the ward. They and Sinta had become friends because they understood each others languages. Sinta spoke some Arabic too, but she was not fluent, nor was I when I first arrived in the Kingdom to work on a surgical ward.

Sinta had been in her late 20’s when she left to Saudi-Arabia’s capital Riyadh to work as a housemaid in a large Saudi household. She was from a tiny impoverished village, had no education and could barely read and write. She knew Arabic mostly from memorizing some Quran.

Sinta had a teenage daughter and a 9-year old son together with her husband, who by profession was a mechanic, but unable to find a job or support the family. They lived in severe poverty and something had to be done. It was Sinta who had decided she would go to the Saudi Kingdom to try and earn a living for the rest of her family as a housemaid. She'd heard it was good money, enough to send both her children to school, feed and clothe the kids, her husband and her own mother who lived with them in their small and humble house. Sinta had dreams. She wanted to ensure her daughter would be able to study and have a better life than she did and that her son would one day become a doctor. She was ready to sacrifice everything for their well-being.

Sinta's new family was a typical upper middle class Saudi family living in a large villa in Riyadh's suburbs with many family members under the same roof. Sinta’s main duty besides cleaning and cooking was to assist with the elderly mother who she affectionately called “Mama”. Her Mama was the sweetest woman and always treated Sinta with kindness and generosity. The rest of the family however did not share the same affectionate approach.

One of the sons with his family and a 40-year old spinster daughter lived in the same villa. When Sinta’s work with the Mama was done, the Mama's children took care that she didn’t get a moments rest in the day. Especially the daughter, who spent all her days sleeping in, shopping and gossiping until late at night, would take advantage of Sinta's kindness and hardworking attitude forcing Sinta to work until late at night serving her.
Sinta's duties would never end but she did not complain. She just said alhamdulillah (Thank God) for what I have! A big and house to live in, food to eat, a soft bed to sleep in and money to send home.

During the six years Sinta had worked in the household, the son, who was also her sponsor, had never allowed her to go for vacation to meet her family. Her passport had been taken away on arrival. Sinta had been out of the villa on a few occasions to go to the store with her Mama. She'd been given a mobile phone but was hardly ever able to use it because she had to charge it from her salary of 600 SAR a month. Despite her difficult situation and unfair treatment she remained grateful and hopeful, believing her employer's empty promises "soon you will get to go on vacation, just a few more months!".

Sinta never had a day off, she was made to work by the spinster daughter on Friday’s too. She laughed when she told me of the one and only time she'd been given the day off. Sinta had been sent to the son's second wife's villa 'to unwind'. In reality, she was made to clean there all day. But her Mama’s kindness and their friendship kept Sinta hopeful and patient that one day all her hard work would be rewarded.

Then one day her life changed forever. Sinta's Mama had been ill for a while, complaining of abdominal symptoms. She'd been accompanying the mother to various doctors appointments and procedures to try find out what was the problem. The doctors had finally decided to schedule a gastroscopy for her after the relatives had pushed and insisted upon it for months.

When the day of the procedure came, the Mama had been leaving to the hospital without Sinta which left her heart-broken from worry. She was due to return in the evening. Before the Mama left the house she had asked Sinta to prepare all her favorite foods, as she would be so hungry from the three days fast she was put on prior to the gastroscopy. She promised Sinta they would have a big party when she came back. Sinta had been very pleased and went in the kitchen to prepare.

In the afternoon the family was alerted from the hospital, their mother had been rushed to the ICU because of complications during the procedure. Her heart had stopped. She was now unconscious and connected to machines, the doctors were unsure if she'd ever wake up.

Sinta rushed to the hospital together with the rest of the family. Sinta was so shocked and terrified of the sight of her Mama, lying lifeless in a maze of tubes and loud machines she'd never even imagined could exist that she had fainted on the spot. In the meanwhile the sons had been extremely angry at the hospital staff asking how this could have happened, demanding to know the reason that lead to her state.

The doctors told the family she was brain-dead and paralyzed. Because of an allergic reaction during the procedure, the mother had had a major seizure which they were not able to control and it eventually lead to her heart stopping. They managed to revive her but she didn't gain consciousness.

The sons were outraged when they learned that their mother had been given a drug she was allergic to. Their mother's severe allergy to this particular drug was well known by everyone in the family and had been documented and labeled everywhere on her file and electronic patient records. Despite all these precautions the staff had administered the drug intravenously (into the bloodstream) with the devastating consequences.

The family was understandably horrified, devastated and outraged, after all this was supposedly the Middle-East's leading hospital, full of international expertise and the latest state of the art equipment. How could this have happened?! The family launched complaints, filed a medical error report against the hospital and they appealed their case with the Emir, after being rejected by the Ministry. They demanded financial compensation and for their mother to be taken care of in the same hospital for the rest of her life. The mother would require expensive medical equipment and around the clock medical care because of her state. All this was of course very expensive and required a medical professional's supervision.

Perhaps from their anger, the family could not think clearly what was best for their mother. Having her stay long-term in a hospital setting would expose her to multiple risks, some even life-threatening ones such as multiple drug resistant bacteria. Her care on the ward would cost hundreds of thousands of riyals daily. They wanted the hospital to pay for their disastrous mistake.

Eventually the administration of the hospital had to bend to the family's demand to admit their mother to a ward on the hospital permanently because of the cardinal error the hospital had made. Sinta was assigned to be their mother's private sitter, never leaving her side or the hospital. Sinta ate, slept, prayed and showered in the room over four years. She hardly came out of the small dark room and never left the ward. It would become like a prison cell to her.

"Mama Ameenah" lay in her bed motionless, with the same expression on her face. Her eyes were often open and at times it seemed as if she heard and understood the conversation, but there was never confirmation that it was true. Sinta didn't give up trying though. Sinta kept talking to her, relating to the daily events and played Quran tapes from her little recorder next to the bed. Since the hospital didn't provide any kind of rehabilitative care, this was the only stimulation the patient ever got.

Sinta took care of the Mama as if she were her own mother. I was amazed by how her spirit had not been broken despite her fate. I found her positive attitude and thankfulness remarkable. As I watched Sinta hold the Mama's hand, softly talking to her, I realized how this was something really special in a world full of cold and selfish people.

Part Two: My friendship with Sinta, planning for the future and her escape

Part Three: The world as Sinta knows it ends, Sinta's disappearance



Saturday, February 2, 2013

Saudi-Arabia: A Haven For Child Molesters, Wife Beaters And Daughter Killers?

Maybe you have heard the story of Lama,Al Ghamdi, a five year old girl tortured to death by her own father, a so called religious "sheikh" Fayhan Al Ghamdi. http://english.alarabiya.net/articles/2012/11/11/249009.html
Lama Al Ghamdi was beaten with electric cables, her back broken and half of her head smashed in. She was sexually assaulted and her anal canal torn open which the beast also tried to burn closed. She was brought to the hospital where she remained in ICU for 10 months and then died last October.
To make matters worse, it might happen that this criminal Fayhan Al Ghamdi will be to be let off with just a four months jail sentence and by paying blood money to the victims family. In other words, himself. This could only happen in Saudi-Arabia, where crimes against women and children go mostly unpunished.

Yes there is actually a judge in this day and age who made such a ruling, as ridiculous, horrific and unbelievable this may sound. And this is the image these sick men are giving to the world about Islam. No wonder people think it's an evil religion.
The full story can be read on Saudi Woman's blog: http://saudiwoman.me/2013/01/31/rest-in-peace-lama/
Omaima Al Najjar also wrote about the background of this case: http://omaimanajjar.wordpress.com/2013/01/30/islamic-preacher-getaway-with-a-murder/

I would call Faihan Al Ghamdi an animal, but even animals have more integrity and wouldn't do this to their offspring.

Sick bastards like this exist everywhere in the world but in Saudi-Arabia they can actually get away with their actions. In this so called model state of Islam, men can get away with murdering their children (especially daughters), raping their wives and beating the shit out of their daughters with only minor inconvenience. The courts will always side with the man. After all he is the head of the family and he has the right to treat his "property" as he wishes.

Abuse of women and children are always treated as minor offenses in the Sharia courts. Blood money paid for the heirs of a female victim is half the amount of a male victims. See from the below blood money chart how the life of a woman in Saudi-Arabia is valued always half less that of a male:

  • 300,000 riyals if the victim is a Muslim man
  • 150,000 riyals if a Muslim woman
  • 150,000 riyals if a Christian or Jewish man
  • 75,000 riyals if a Christian or Jewish woman
  • 6,666 riyals if a man of any other religion
  • 3,333 riyals if a woman of any other religion

Truly sickening.

Quran does not mention the amount of money to be paid or any differentiation between the sexes.
"We ordained therein for them: "Life for life, eye for eye, nose or nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if any one remits the retaliation by way of charity, it is an act of atonement for himself. And if any fail to judge by (the light of) what Allah hath revealed, they are (No better than) wrong-doers."
This misogynist attitude and rulings come solely from a patriarchal society, not religion, although some of these clerics do try to justify their verdicts based on weak Hadith. Compare this child rapist-killers 4 month sentence to the recent case of the Sri Lankan maid that was executed without fair trial for killing a baby placed in her inexperienced care.

Abusive Saudi men know that they can beat, rape and abuse their women and children without any harsh punishments. Saudi-Arabia's judicial system doesn't help the abused women and always backs up the abusive men. The law serves as a haven for these kind of men.

According to Saudi Woman's article, if the woman reports the abuse to the police, the Hai'a (religious police) and her guardian (her abuser) are called to harass the victim out of reporting it for up to four hours before the social services are called. How many women in that situation are actually strong enough to face these bullies and end up going back home to her abuser?

A while ago I was faced with the difficult situation of my friend here suffering physical abuse from her husband. She's a foreign wife with a Saudi husband. Her husband has abused her for years even before they moved to Saudi-Arabia. They have one child and he had even beaten her while she was pregnant. Now I'm sure that any woman who has been in that situation knows how difficult it is to leave and how there always seems to be a time of calm and the abuse ends. The husband becomes an "angel", only for the abuse to start up again.

Word of warning to any woman outside Saudi-Arabia currently dating, engaged to or married to a Saudi man with an abusive history: DO NOT under ANY circumstances move to Saudi-Arabia with him, EVER. He WILL continue the abuse here. He might tell you he promises to change. He will, but for the WORSE. Even if he promises to go to a psychologist to get treatment, he won't change his ways. Even if he cries, begs you to come, promises you the world..It simply won't work like that. Don't be naive and trust these men. Instead my advice to you is run the other direction and never look back.

If you end up in KSA with him, he will most likely keep you as a prisoner and limit your life and all the contact you have to the outer world. I have personally seen and heard of women like this. He will not give you a phone or maybe even let you use the internet. If he hits you, no one will or can help you. No laws will protect you. Your life will become hell. His family will not help you, they will protect him. I am not exaggerating. Saudi-Arabia is the worst place in the world to be with an abusive, controlling husband, period.

So on to the case of the woman I mentioned. Her husband had beaten her so bad she broke some bones. She didn't have a cell phone because her husband had not given her one, and since they'd recently moved, she didn't even know where she lived. Her only way to contact anyone was through Facebook. The husband had locked her up in a room without windows and left the house with the child. Since she doesn't know anyone in Riyadh, she asked me for help. Together with another friend we were trying to help her to find out where the apartment was located so that we could go and take her to the hospital since she was in severe pain.

We couldn't figure out where she was and since she couldn't even see outside to give some landmarks, she remained in her agony alone in the apartment and there was nothing anyone could do about it. She asked me the number to the police, she wanted to call them from the husbands phone when he came back. In any other country I would've encouraged her to call the police and report him. In Saudi-Arabia however it's not a good idea, especially if you're a foreign woman.

Will the police believe her or the husband? What if he tells them she fell? The woman is not Muslim, most likely they will believe the husband over her. What if she makes the report in any case, who will protect her from the husbands rage afterwards? There are no shelters for her to go to. No relatives to help. Her husband's family would most likely say it's normal and nothing that can be done about it. Us friends could take her in, but would the husband allow that? Of course not, at least not with the child. He might get upset at her making the report and send her back to her home country. He has the power to do so, and to keep their daughter in Saudi-Arabia and the woman would never see her again. If the case ever were to go forward, the judge would just brush it off by saying she deserved it by disobeying the husband and that he had the right to beat her.

So I told my friend, don't call the police. You will just get yourself into more trouble. What I did advise her is to get out of the country with her child and never come back. She's going for vacation to her home country and I sincerely hope she finds the strength to leave him and never returns to Saudi-Arabia.

Back to the story of Lama. There's still a little hope for Fayhan Al Ghamdi to be charged with capital punishment but her mother is from a very poor family and they haven't been able to get a lawyer yet. There is going to be another hearing this Sunday. Hopefully the family would be able to get a good lawyer for her and they can appeal the sentence to get this monster locked up. Fayhan Al Ghamdi deserves the same fate as he inflicted upon his daughter.

What is important now is to get her story out there. Spread the word, tell the world about this little angel and her monster father and the cowardly misogynist men who stand behind him. Paying blood money for killing your own children is a disgrace and crime toward all children and women in the world.  Al Ghamdi deserves the death penalty for his atrocious crime. This man is sick and will most likely commit such horrendous acts again. Help Lama's mother get justice by forwarding her story.

I hope there is a very very special place waiting for Fayhan Al Ghamdi in hell.

May the little angel rest in peace.

UPDATE: Lama's mother Syeda Ali has a lawyer and the trial has been postponed two weeks. There is no official verdict yet and Lama's mother is refusing blood money and pushing for death sentence for Fayhan Al-Ghamdi, who remains in jail awaiting trial.
No blood money has been paid yet nor was Fayhan Al Ghamdi set free, despite many news sources reporting he was released.