This might come as a surprise for many. I certainly never thought I would come across a Muslim woman who speaks FOR polygamy. I imagined all women would kind of stick to defending women's rights and not men's rights. But I was wrong. Sadly there's always women who think of men's feelings and needs as superior to women's.
These polygamy-activists make co-wifery sound like a walk in the park. A pleasant, calm and enjoyable experience. But how come all of the polygamous marriages I heard/know about are nothing like that? I would rather describe them as roller-coaster rides or even as life on a deserted island. In most cases, polygamy makes the lives of the women and children miserable. The husband is the one walking in the different parks.
Polygamy is not for all couples and not every Muslim woman has to accept it as part of their own lives. The fact of the matter is polygamy breaks most marriages and traumatizes children affected by it. Defending men's rights to take second wives on a whim or for sexual pleasure and saying women should just suffer for the sake of Allah and pray they become better wives is just strange and even offensive coming from a woman's mouth.
It's not a Muslim woman's duty to accept being a co-wife. Women are different. Most cannot handle being a co-wife, and that's perfectly normal and human. I think acknowledging that is important. Thinking this way should not be made a shameful thing. That is one of the issues I have with pro-polygamists. They tend to think women who deny their husbands polygamy are MAJOR SINNERS.
Polygamy fanatics like to raise themselves above other Muslim sisters by saying things like "how dare she have the audacity to deny her husband his God given rights". They say stuff like "Allah gave men a much stronger drive than women and to help keep him from committing sins He gave him the right to more than one spouse" or best yet "none of us truly believes until we want for our sisters what we want for ourselves, and that includes sharing a good husband with someone who has not yet found one".
Seriously? If you TRULY believe, the only way to show it is to share your husband, especially the good ones.
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The verse in the Quran was revealed after the battle of Uhud which left hundreds of orphans and widows behind "If you fear that you will not be just/equitable to the orphans, then marry as permissible for you, women, two, three or four. But if you fear you will not be just/equitable, then one or to whom you are committed to by oath. That is better so that you do not deviate from the right course". 4:3
To me considering the background, this reads: If you're a man and there happens to be a situation where there are much more women than men following massive loss from battles resulting in many orphans in need of a providing parent, then to solve this problem, and in this case only, you are allowed to marry up to four women from the mothers of those orphans in order to help them, but you must be financially, physically and emotionally equipped to treat them equally, and in order to be just to all, you must ask the first wife's permission to do so, otherwise stick to just one wife which is better for you.
Speaking about fairness and justice, I think this verse from the Quran "You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire,.. 4:129 sort of hits the nail on the coffin for pro-polygamy speeches.
If according to the Quran, no man will EVER be able to do perfect justice with his wives, in addition to just treatment being the condition to taking multiple wives, then to me that either implies polygamy is HIGHLY discouraged (but still permissible) or downright not to be messed with.
Despite these facts, polygamy activists have a mind of their own. They like to pull out the "sex drive"-card. Those poor men have such strong urges, they NEED more than one wife to get satisfied and not to go searching for prostitutes. And the first wife MUST accept and understand this. To me this is just disgusting. First of all, is that what the consequent wives are for, only to act as sex toys to the poor husbands? Is this how highly some women think of other women?
What about those poor women that have much stronger sex drives than their husbands? What is their solution? Why do some women condescend to viewing men as some sort of sexual predators that only think of sex? As if men are not capable of controlling themselves whatsoever. What about women? How can they control their desires? As if women don't have any desires whatsoever.
Another excuse I hear from polygamy defenders in Saudi is that there's just so much more women than men here, it makes taking more wives in fact, charity. It is simply a noble act. Just think of all those unmarried women out there! Anxiously waiting at home, twiddling their thumbs and dreaming of becoming third wives to 60-year old men with 25 kids.
CIA fact book from Saudi-Arabia:
0-14 years: 29.4% (male 3,939,377/female 3,754,020)
15-64 years: 67.6% (male 9,980,253/female 7,685,328)
65 years and over: 3% (male 404,269/female 368,456) (2011 est).
Wait, doesn't this, according to that same reasoning mean that Saudis should start practicing polyandry instead of polygyny?Hmm..What about all those poor mister spinsters, who will marry them??
"One of His signs is that He created for you spouses like your selves so that you may live with them with affection and mercy - there are signs in this for people who reflect". (Qur'an 30:21)
I wish some women would reflect and stop speaking for men's rights over women's. It's a woman's right to choose whether or not they want to be in a polygamous marriage.
It's a mans world already, don't make it worse.